By Emelisa Mudle
"If there is a God how come you can't see him?" Jonny always loved to ask questions, and at times I was left with no answers. I could see the look on his face and his disappointment. I thought to myself why can I not answer this question?
Maybe it is because I do not have a connection with God. I never have felt this. Always hearing people who have had their lives touched by the God presence and for most of the time I have felt abandoned and alone and angry. "Jonny, I don't know how to answer this honey, maybe you cannot see God because he isn't something you can see, he is something you feel." "Oh, but how do you know he is a he?" Yikes, I swear. This child is 5 years old and the questions that come out of his little mouth amazes me.
"How do I know he is a he?
"Well to tell you the truth Jonny I don't know he is a he. I guess because they have said in the books they have found that god is a he and it isn't really questioned." "Why don't you question things?" "Well I do on some things but not on others, I guess for me with God I have never really felt like he exists. I have never seen him and I don't feel him. You know he probably isn't even a he." "God exists"
How do you know this Jonny? "Because I can feel God, when I play with my dog Skip I feel him then. I can see him in Skip's eyes, Or when I get hugs from you, I see him then too cause I can feel him with us in the hug. Also when I play with my friends, it is like he is in the laughter. And sometimes when we lie down and look at the clouds I feel him looking at me. It is like he is everywhere really, But I notice him more when I am in joy and peace." I just sat crying, tears pouring down my cheeks as I listened to this sweet child tell me about God "Mummy why are you crying," Jonny jumped on my lap and hugged me and stroked my face.
He is here with you mummy I feel him, I just sobbed and Jonny held me. And for the first time ever, I could feel him. I felt him come through my son's words, his touch, his innocence and compassion. I recognised god.
He has always been there, but because of my pain and not being able to understand things I shut him out. He didn't exist in my world because how could a god be so hurtful. "Thank you honey." "For what mommy," for helping me find God again" "He is never lost, we just forget to listen."
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